Five Years

Grandma let my Mom and Aunts do her hair crazy during one of her many stays at the hospital.

Five whole years. It has been five years, or 1,826 days, or 43,824 hours since we last saw each other. Five years of milestone events. Five years of small moments I wish I could share. Five years without driving to your house for Thursday night gatherings. Five years holidays without you. Five years of not being able to call and hear your voice or see how you're doing today. We've welcomed a couple of new babies, I've gotten married, started a new career, we've all grown older and most of us have grown wiser and I can't help but think you've missed it. Or have you?

Perhaps you've missed it in person, but saw it coming all along. Perhaps you knew well before we all did, that Gunnar would be born two years after your passing as a way to help us make this day not just one of sadness but also one of celebration. Perhaps you knew all along that I would meet the man of my dreams and while I was bummed you didn't get to meet him, I think you knew about him well before I did.

To say you are missed wouldn't do it justice. "Missing" you just doesn't seem like enough for how much my heart hurts thinking about you, wishing I could share exciting news with you, wishing we could have ice cream together, wishing I could have your soup again, or wishing I could ask you for advice because you always had the best wisdom to share. You were our family core, our rock and my best friend so it wasn't easy saying goodbye and it's not easy realizing you've been gone five entire years.

Some days it feels like a lifetime and sometimes I remember the week of your passing like it was yesterday. To be expected, we're all "missing" you a bit more than usual today. Hope you're celebrating up there with Grandpa and proud of us for holding it together another year.